Press Release: Would You Buy A Vibrator From A Superhero? June 26th, 2008
Troy, MI—Today marks the relaunch of online store ShopInPrivate.com. ShopInPrivate will still have the best selection of items you would be embarrassed to purchase in a drugstore. The site will still be easy-to-use and will still offer the world's most private way to shop.
So what’s changed at ShopInPrivate.com? The operation is now being run by a superhero, Mister Private.
“I pledge to do all in my power to protect your privacy,” Mister Private boomed, his cape flapping in the wind. “Batman and Superman save one person each day. But me? Mister Private defends the privacy of hundreds of honest citizens like you.”
After hearing the calls of many concerned folks, Mister Private decided to step in. They were worried about running into their friends at the pharmacy and they didn’t know who to turn to.
“You didn’t know what you were up against!” exclaimed Mister Private. “I will defend you in the face of nosy neighbors, chatty mailmen and curious customers at your local drugstore.”
ShopInPrivate offers unparalleled privacy before, during and after your purchase. When you visit ShopInPrivate.com, your order is rushed to a super-safe encryption server where Mister Private keeps it protected from any intruders.
Mister Private’s low prices appeal to all customers and keep them safe from his evil nemesis Big Business.
“Big Business called me up and asked if I was interested in selling my customer list. I responded by mailing him some personal lubricant so that he could insert his phone receiver where it belonged,” Mister Private quipped.
After your order is packaged, Mister Private discreetly ships your items, flying to all locations on Earth. He won’t send you any unsolicited letters or e-mails or call you at home. And citizens know they can reach him any time, day or night at ShopInPrivate.com.
Also new on ShopInPrivate.com will be a series of informational pages penned by Mister Private, himself. Curious about how to cure constipation? Wondering about bad breath? Want to know what to look for in a vibrator?
“Well…Mrs. Private helped me out with that last one,” Mister Private admitted.
Although Mister Private now carries the weight of a large retail operation on his back, and teaches valuable life lessons, he remains stoic and charming.
“It’s all in a day’s work,” Mister Private said with a wink. “Even in the face of the digital era, I will lead millions of folks to safety… and privacy.”
Just remember, humble citizens—no matter the item you’re looking for, your secret’s safe with Mister Private and ShopInPrivate.com.