|Fifty Shades of Grey Movie Pranks|
- Drop a bunch of ball bearings in the lobby.
Ball bearings look a lot like ben-wa balls. In the first Fifty Shades of Grey book, Christian inserts a pair of ben-wa balls into Ana's whosey-whatsy. A liberal sprinkling of ben-wa balls in the lobby or on the movie theater floor will have fellow viewers wondering just who can't hang on to their balls.
- Dress up like Christian and Ana.
He will wear a grey suit with a grey tie. He will behave standoffishly, wearing only two facial expressions: a scowl, or a smolder. He will say things like, "No, my interests are very singular," when offered popcorn. Extra points if he answers the phone mid-movie, and begins barking things like, "We are lacking the proper synergy in the futures market in Darfur. Send Charlie Tango."
She will wear a slinky plum-colored dress, or a pair of jeans with Converse sneakers. She will appear sad, scared, and self-esteemless. She should immediately start yelling or crying if he talks to another woman, even the woman serving popcorn. Extra points for yelling, "Is that the pedo, Mrs. Robinson?"
- Tie her to the movie seat.
Have him nonchalantly remove his tie, and ever so casually tie her hands to her armrests. She can smile apologetically when people start to stare. The people sitting next to you will be terrified.
- Bring the book and read the sex scenes aloud as you wait for the movie.
The Fifty Shades of Grey sex scenes are pretty raunchy. That's why you're there, right? Read the sex scenes aloud together as you wait in line or as you wait for the previews to begin. Be sure to include the scenes that were too hot to make it into the Rated R version of the film.
- Order popcorn in the manner of the characters.
"Oh my god, My inner goddess wants some popcorn. What's that? Oh yes, my inner goddess would like some butter on that. My inner goddess would also like some junior mints."
- Arrive by helicopter.
- Wear really nice shoes (him) and Chuck Taylors (her) and have sex in the bathroom stall beforehand.
- Fire up your remote control vibrating panties during a quiet scene.
Don't worry if they are loud. The low frequencies will be hard to locate and could be coming from anywhere. Everyone will be jealous and suspicious.
- Walk out of the film exclaiming, "That was bullshit. I wanted to see some dick!"
- Take pictures of the audience while the lights are still up.
Then say, "Man, I had no idea so many people would come out to watch porn in the theatre."
- Say rude things to other moviegoers.
For example, find a bunch of women on a girls night out and say. "I guess your husbands didn't want to get laid tonight, huh ladies?" or "Which one of you gets to be Christian and which one has to be Ana?" Approach the oldest married couple you can find and remind them that if he suffers an erection lasting longer than 4 hours that they should seek medical advice.
- Finally, the best prank to play at the 50 Shades premier:
Bring your Mom.