|Plumps your lips
Like a big suction cup
The Fullips lip plumber uses powerful suction to enhance the size of your lips. This lip enhancer is extremely easy to use, just put it to your lips and suck.
Wait, wait, wait. You mean to tell us there’s a way to get fuller, more defined lips without surgery? You mean that all this time, we’ve been injecting cow skin and teflon* into our faces, when we could have just been sucking on this weird adult pacifier?
As it turns out, yes. You might not get nearly as long-lasting an effect as a surgical enhancement would give you, but fortunately the Fullips is made of a durable plastic so you can use it over and over and over again, whenever. It’s also a lot less of a hassle than surgery - as the tagline says, “It’s easy... Just put it to your lips and suck!” Yeah, good luck saying that with a straight face.
The package comes with one large round Fullips enhancer, and also includes a fairly extensive instruction sheet, which includes details on how to get “cupid lips” (whatever that means), tips for baby boomers with “drooping mouths” (whatever that means), and warnings to stop using it if you start to feel “pain” (whatever that means). We gave it a try, and while it feels a little weird at first, it did seem to work. Guess that means we better cancel our appointment to inject our lips full of elephant blood and Human Growth Hormone**...
* - Yes, these are actually things that were used in lip augmentation surgeries once upon a time.
** - No, we’re pretty sure no one has ever actually used these things in lip augmentation surgeries.