Ah, itchy citizens, an age-old question. Much like, Why is the sky blue? and Where do babies come from? People have been asking for centuries about their itchy butts.
Not to scare you, but your itchy butt could be symptomatic of anything from a simple irritation to a serious infection like pinworms. Some people itch because their underpants are too tight. Buy some loose cotton underwear. Maybe it's time to move up one or two sizes.
You should be washing daily with mild soap. To lessen the itch, you can apply a anti-itch cream to the area twice a day. If you are still itching after a few days, you need to see a doctor.
You could potentially have jock itch, a common fungal infection found in your thighs, buttocks and genitals. It looks like a red, ring-shaped rash and it sure does itch. Jock itch is typically found in people who sweat a lot or who are overweight, but really, anyone can get it. Also you can get jock itch from having athlete's foot. To clear up your jock itch, you will need to apply an antifungal spray like Aloe Vesta, Lotrimin or Cruex Spray.
It's important to maintain your butt hygiene. And from now on, Mister Private will always be weary of shaking your hand, itchy citizen.